His Hands

His Hands
My Dad has been gone now for a long time. Yet in an instant I could feel his presence right here with me.
I never know when I will feel him close. Lately just looking in the mirror and seeing pieces of him in my refection has brought those feelings . .
Growing up I was especially close to my Dad. My mom wasn’t an affectionate person. Most of the affection I received was from my father. I never doubted my mother’s love for me. It is just that my dad reinforced those feelings with hugs that brought a close connection. Even as a grown man I had no problem holding his hand and showing him affection.
My deepest memory of this was in the middle of the night after his massive heart attack . He was unconscious when we got to the hospital and for a brief moment I got to hold his hand. It seemed cold and lifeless and unresponsive and I will admit scared the hell out of me. The surgery , the waiting, the sheer misery of knowing that there was a possibility that I would never feels the grip of his hand ;all this was very frightening.
In the time of waiting and anticipation I was taken back to all the times I had held his hand. His hands were full and strong; chaliced and a bit rough. I feel I work hard but my hands will never be like that. His hands had such a since of character earned from 70 years of using his hands to fix things. Whether it was my bike or a lifetime of appliances etc. he was fixing , he drew strength from repairing life’s problems. I remember just holding his hand made me feel the world ,in spite of all its troubles ,would somehow be all right.
After the surgery and as he recovered, I hung tight to his hand. Gradually the strength returned and I was given back those feelings that ran like an electric current between our hands . He came home from the hospital and seventeen days later He passed in his sleep. My last memory of him was in the casket as I held his hand for the last time. To this day I can close my eyes and feel his hand and the strength of his affection for me. It is a vivid reminder that he and God are always with me even when life seems tough.
Until recently the feeling and sensation of his hand had only been in my imagination. But one day not long ago I was standing in the kitchen and my son ,Jeremy ,reached down and grabbed my hand. I don’t know if we were praying or what but my eyes were closed. Suddenly just the shape and feel of his hand seemed so familiar. This is a hand that I had held for over 27 years by now. This is the hand that stretched up to grab my finger to take his first step. When did this tiny hand become a man’s hand. I swear for an instant I knew it was my dad’s hand. It has the same firmness and texture that I remember unique to my dad. In that instant a warm rush came over me.
All my sons have no problem being affectionate with me. There has never been that feeling that they were too grownup or too much a “man” to hug and kiss their “ daddy”. I thank God for that. As secure as I am in myself and my faith in God, I would be totally lost with out the love of my children. The love shared between husband and wife is truly special. The loved passed between parent and child in totally different and invaluable. I know too many families that don’t share that closeness that we share and I wonder how they survive.
Holding Jeremy’s hand made me look for other signs that my dad was still present. As I pondered this, I reflected on many times since my dad’s death that his spirit had been reborn in my children and even in myself. His character and values and his love for God live on in our daily living. He left his mark on all of us and returns to us daily in the way we handle life’s difficulties as well as how we celebrate life’s joys.
I have a grandson now and just this week celebrated the birth of our grand daughter. . They will never have known their great grandpa. Our job now is to make sure they both feel the legacy of his enduring love through our lives and our demonstration of God’s love in our family. But than isn’t that all our duty as a Christian. We are the only link our children have with the present and all the goodness of God’s love that came